Throughout most of my life, I've always tried to control as much as I possibly could. I wanted everything to be just the way I wanted it to be. I gripped so tightly onto my goals, work and even relationships, trying to control it all. I painted this picture of what I wanted my life to look like and worked relentlessly to make that vision come to life exactly as I had planned it. I used most of my energy to plan and predict things that were never really in my control to begin with.
What I've come to learn recently is that my desire to control and plan my life is rooted in fear. Ugly, ego-driven fear. I was - and still continue to be at times - so attached to the outcome of my actions. I thought I was so sure of what was best for me.
I've been working on honoring the journey. Trusting the process. Trusting that no matter what circumstances come my way, they're here to be a teacher. There are no "bad circumstances" - they are a part of the journey, and that journey needs to be honored. They're opportunities to reflect, shift and grow. I don't need to micro-manage the universe because... guess what? I never had control to begin with. It was never in my hands.
I'm learning to let go. To open myself to the beautiful possibilities that can be opened when I'm not attached to the path I think is the 'right one' for me.
Here are some of the practices that create a space for me to surrender and let go. It's a ongoing, experiential practice (and some days are easier than others), but maintaining a consistent practice has made all the difference.
Breathe.
Yep, it's that simple. It comes back to the breath. Always. The breath allows us to tap into the present moment and observe what is happening now (not what we want to happen). Focusing my attention on my breath gives me the space to tune in and see how I'm actually feeling physically, emotionally and spiritually. Am I anxious? Fearful? Happy? How am I really doing right now? That simple, daily practice of checking in with myself has changed the relationship I have with my body and my mind. I'm able to meet myself with more compassion and love, which allows me to observe those feelings of fear and anxiety from an open, loving place. And from that place of love, I find it much, much easier to start to let go.
Ask myself, "What am I afraid of if I let go of control?"
Identify the fear. Give it a name. And once it's identified, as yourself, is it true? 9 times out of 10, the fear isn't true. It's a made up assumption of what I think will happen.
Shift from "making it happen" to "allowing it to happen."
Perspective, baby. Create the space to allow things to happen, rather than gripping and forcing them to happen. Doesn't that slight shift just feel more liberating?
Learning to let go of control is a lifelong journey. The varying circumstances of our lives will always test us in different ways, but coming back to these simple practices - and coming back to yourself - will help to give you the clarity you need to approach those circumstances with love and light.
